My mind is filled with millions of thoughts and my heart is beating at the pace that is giving me scare! My hands are trembling and I feel bit nauseous. It looks like I am showing every signs of nervous breakdown as I try to calm my loud heart. I am afraid that loud noise of my beating heart will wake my Lil Dumpling lying next to me without any worry in the world. How I wish I could sleep that way without having to worry about anything! Well, it’s been a while since I slept through the night without worrying about the never ending list of things to do...
As I try to calm the voices that shout and scream loudly in my mind, I look around the dimly lit room that was once filled with little bits and pieces of our life. This is a room where we three lay our head in the night on a soft pillow, cuddling and hugging one another, our arms thrown carelessly around each other and our legs tangled under the blanket. I try to visualise the bed, the dresser, cloths in the closets, photo frames scattered around the room, night lights, piles of books and many other pieces of furnishing that once made this room a peaceful sanctuary are now carefully wrapped in a bubble wrap and packed in a brown cardboard boxes. I slowly get up from the makeshift bed on the floor, not to wake my little boy, and tip toe to next room which is as bare as the room I just left. I run down the stairs, very well knowing the sight that will welcome me. I walk from one room to another that were once filled with pieces and mementos of our lives, colours, cushions, books, toys, lovingly hand picked knick-knacks, pots and pans, photos and frames, cry and laughter, tears and joy, light, warmth and every other things that makes a house into a home. It’s all gone! It’s now just an empty shell… But…
But isn’t this that we longed for so long?! Isn’t this what we planned for for the last 2 years?! Isn’t this what we were dreaming of for 3 of us?! Slowly I can feel my heart beats resuming to its normal pace… I can feel my head clearing and the light returning to my eyes. Slowly the panic is replaced with joy and the anxiety gives way to new dreams in the horizon! My mind which felt overcrowded, as the thoughts competed with each other pushing and stampeding for the attention and driving me crazy, comes to a standstill as I look around our house that gave us much more than we ever thought!
It’s time to say goodbye to the home that gave us so much joy, happiness and love. It’s time to say goodbye to the country that gave us each other, our very first home, helped us to build our careers and our future! We are moving out of the country that we have grown to care and love. It’s time to say goodbye to the place that has become our abode in the last decade. The pain of leaving this place and the friends we love is inevitable. Saying goodbye to the the home that we loving built over the years is harder than I ever imagined! For husband and me this is our second home in this country, but it is the most special one as this is where Lil Dumpling was born. This is the home where he cried, smiled, burped, puked, giggled, gurgled, laughed, chewed, rolled, crawled, stood, walked, jumped, climbed, skipped, messed, broke our hearts, mended our heart, loved, tickled, spilled tears, gave kisses and cuddles, talked, sang, scribbled and turned our lives upside down! This is so much more than bricks and mortar, as we built this house with joy, tears, laughter, love and soul!
It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.
~ Ernie Harwell
Moving back to India is probably the toughest decision we have ever made! We always wanted to return to our root, our home, and our country, which is completely different to the country that we left many years ago. Over the years we have grown to love the methodical, carefree and smooth life that we have built for ourselves in this country. But there’s something really charming about the unorderly, difficult and chaotic country that we call our home pulls our heart strings.
For the last two years we mulled over the idea of leaving this country and returning to India. Now the time has finally come to uproot our lives and start living our long time dream of returning to a place that will always be our home. India has changed a lot over the last decade that we were away from it. We know that it is not going to be an easy transition for all 3 of us, especially for Lil Dumpling. But the prospect of being close to the family excites us beyond any doubts and fears that harbors our mind.
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
~ Dr. Seuss
As I sit in a corner of our empty house, my mind is nothing but empty! The little voices in my head ask me if we are doing the right thing or have we taken the right decision?! To say I am quite scared would be an understatement. I am scared and worried for not able to fit back, for not able to relate to the way of life in India, for not able to adjust to 'swalpa adjust maadi' attitude. But the joy I feel for finally be able to show my country to my little one is making me giddy with excitement. So it must be the excitement that is kicking out all that fear and anxiety from my heart.
As we literally count the number of days with fingers in our hand, I am trying to push away the the worry and uncertainties of the life that lays ahead of us. Instead I am thinking of the actions and excitement that awaits us as we begin to build our life in a new place! I am not sure when I can come back here to chronicle our journey, adventure, experience and life in a new place. So some of my very talented blog friends, whom I respect tremendously, will share their lovely recipes with you all. Please make sure to come back and peek into their amazing creations when I am away. :)
Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Stay with us as we write new chapter of our life in India, as we embrace new challenges, jump in to the roller coaster ride which will take us to another side of the globe and dive into the new life awaiting us in the vibrant, chaotic and colourful country! Next time when I finally get time to pen down my thoughts, I will be ranting, rambling and complaining about the hot weather in India instead of cloudy, grey and rainy weather in Britain! ;) Somethings will never change… Please send us your good wishes and positive energy as we embark on another adventurous journey and walk towards the new beginnings!